Some of the arrangements are absolutely off the wall. Just unbelievable stage presence and a voice like making love to a slab of butter. I hope you’ll go watch this video and see the error of your ways and then we can all apologize to him for laughing at how his last name was literally “Fat One.”Īnd I’m sorry, I know this feels bad because we’re projecting what we know now onto his younger self, but Justin Timberlake was a fucking star. But it turns out he’s the best dancer of all of them, and it’s fucked that we didn’t see that before. We put Chris Kirkpatrick above him, y’all. We all had him listed as the #5, right? This guy was last in every single one of our lineups. A time that is somehow 21 literal years ago, despite my objections that “no it isn’t.”
A time when I thought “This I Promise You” was the truest, most profound expression of romantic love I’d ever heard. (Of course, it’s also important to say that this joyful horniness is largely reserved for teenaged white girls, whose sexuality is deemed safe and unthreatening teenaged Black girls are generally not afforded the same leniency, and grappling with that fact has been a huge part of my return to boy band land.)įrom the very first line (“Baby, you’re not the only one…”), punctuated with staccato dance moves, I’m somehow 12 again, gripped by the group’s magnetic sex appeal and showmanship. For the following 90 minutes, I’m transported to a time when my weekends were spent eating 3D Doritos and drinking Pepsi Blue at sleepovers, watching slack-jawed as the guys raunchily humped the air and revved up the crowd. Being a teenaged girl is really shitty - the whole world simultaneously hates you and wants to fuck you -so it’s really sweet to see them all taking part in a ritual of performing their attraction en masse and being, like…joyfully horny. Watching now, these girls’ unadulterated joy is a balm. Imagine 20,000 tween girls in an arena all having an exorcism at the same time, and that’s pretty much what’s going on in Madison Square Garden when the guys drop onto the stage for the climactic opening moment. It’s wild to see what holds up (the choreography, the guys’ undeniable charisma) and what doesn’t (Chris Kirkpatrick in general).
Revisiting the show as an adult has been an incredible gift.
This concert was so present for my tween years it was practically a third parent: a third parent who made me extremely horny, even though I didn’t really know what that was yet. This VHS tape was my life from 2000 to 2003.
JC, Justin, Lance, Chris, and Joey (listed in the order of my crushes on them) are in their full glory in the recorded version, Live from Madison Square Garden, and it’s nothing short of a Y2K masterpiece.
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